I used to say "I hate people!" all the time. I realized the vitriol that comes from such a statement and reframed that phrase to say "I don't hate people, I hate how they act!" This simple rephrasing helped me see God in the person and understand our fallen nature better.
Wow! My soul really responded to your words today as I’ve been struggling with this issue & making the same “excuses” you cite. Thank you Lord for these words & prayer to help me—& others—recognize hatred that’s crept into our lives.
This is very thoughtful. Thank you. We truly are called to pray for our enemies, and we so often give ourselves an out on this. There is valid reason these days to wrestle with these sentiments as corruption, deception and sin abounds. But we are called to be the light in the dark, not merely give critiques. So ... I need to go to confession now. God bless you.
Great article, Matt. I am so blessed to have access to you. 🙏 The current cultural and politcal environment makes it easy to slip into hatred, a powerful emotion that often grows from unaddressed frustration and anger. It's a quick jump from initial annoyance to intense anger, and then to hate. To counteract this, I need to look inward and ask, "What is the source of my anger?" By understanding this, I diffuse the feelings that lead to hate. We are solely responsible for how we act and react. The goal should always be to act from love; if we're not, it's a signal to understand what's blocking that. I pray on it and hope to do better. 🙏
The sin of "rancor", or resentment, is one that I've become very aware of recently. It seeks to undermine and destroy your personal relationships, and in so doing, undermine and destroy your relationship with God.
I don’t do auricular confession often as an Anglican, but several months ago, I did go see a priest in my parish to confess the anger that bordered on hatred for my boss at the time. That week afterward, I felt lighter. It was easy to see him in a more positive light. We got along very well that week . . . and then he was basically fired that Thursday. I remember thinking, “I’m so glad we went out on a positive note. That poor guy moved all the way here from Idaho with his wife to take this job, and now he has to go home and have that conversation with her.” As it turns out, I met him for coffee yesterday to give him back a book he’d left at the school. It’s hard to imagine that I’d have initiated such a meeting prior to the confession.
It’s not easy to let go of anger, but you really do become stronger once you do. I’ve adapted a phrase from Andrew Klavan and told it to someone a little while ago: “You’re probably not wrong when you talk about someone else’s flaws; the question is, what flaws of yours are you ignoring so you can focus on theirs?”
Now I'm sitting here trying to decide if pity is a good antidote to hate...I think it is, so long as it doesn't slide into being smug/ condescending.
I think hate is easier in a lot of ways (and thus often a default) because there's a lot more tension inherent in loving someone who's doing something harmful or unintelligent. You actually have to think and to be semi-permanently uncomfortable. It's way easier to just be able to write someone off.
But seriously, good observation about the low bar for love and the high bar for hatred. I'm a big proponent of a high bar for love in particular. That bar is "as you love yourself." Most of us are lucky to achieve this with one person, some get there with upwards of a handful, few if any get there with more than that, and only Jesus has ever successfully gotten there with everybody. But better to truly love one than to 'will their good' to everyone, if you want even a hint of what Jesus was talking about.
I used to say "I hate people!" all the time. I realized the vitriol that comes from such a statement and reframed that phrase to say "I don't hate people, I hate how they act!" This simple rephrasing helped me see God in the person and understand our fallen nature better.
Wow! My soul really responded to your words today as I’ve been struggling with this issue & making the same “excuses” you cite. Thank you Lord for these words & prayer to help me—& others—recognize hatred that’s crept into our lives.
This is very thoughtful. Thank you. We truly are called to pray for our enemies, and we so often give ourselves an out on this. There is valid reason these days to wrestle with these sentiments as corruption, deception and sin abounds. But we are called to be the light in the dark, not merely give critiques. So ... I need to go to confession now. God bless you.
Great article, Matt. I am so blessed to have access to you. 🙏 The current cultural and politcal environment makes it easy to slip into hatred, a powerful emotion that often grows from unaddressed frustration and anger. It's a quick jump from initial annoyance to intense anger, and then to hate. To counteract this, I need to look inward and ask, "What is the source of my anger?" By understanding this, I diffuse the feelings that lead to hate. We are solely responsible for how we act and react. The goal should always be to act from love; if we're not, it's a signal to understand what's blocking that. I pray on it and hope to do better. 🙏
The sin of "rancor", or resentment, is one that I've become very aware of recently. It seeks to undermine and destroy your personal relationships, and in so doing, undermine and destroy your relationship with God.
I don’t do auricular confession often as an Anglican, but several months ago, I did go see a priest in my parish to confess the anger that bordered on hatred for my boss at the time. That week afterward, I felt lighter. It was easy to see him in a more positive light. We got along very well that week . . . and then he was basically fired that Thursday. I remember thinking, “I’m so glad we went out on a positive note. That poor guy moved all the way here from Idaho with his wife to take this job, and now he has to go home and have that conversation with her.” As it turns out, I met him for coffee yesterday to give him back a book he’d left at the school. It’s hard to imagine that I’d have initiated such a meeting prior to the confession.
It’s not easy to let go of anger, but you really do become stronger once you do. I’ve adapted a phrase from Andrew Klavan and told it to someone a little while ago: “You’re probably not wrong when you talk about someone else’s flaws; the question is, what flaws of yours are you ignoring so you can focus on theirs?”
Now I'm sitting here trying to decide if pity is a good antidote to hate...I think it is, so long as it doesn't slide into being smug/ condescending.
I think hate is easier in a lot of ways (and thus often a default) because there's a lot more tension inherent in loving someone who's doing something harmful or unintelligent. You actually have to think and to be semi-permanently uncomfortable. It's way easier to just be able to write someone off.
Good gut check.
"1 John 4:20....what I found sobering"
Lol stoner joke.
But seriously, good observation about the low bar for love and the high bar for hatred. I'm a big proponent of a high bar for love in particular. That bar is "as you love yourself." Most of us are lucky to achieve this with one person, some get there with upwards of a handful, few if any get there with more than that, and only Jesus has ever successfully gotten there with everybody. But better to truly love one than to 'will their good' to everyone, if you want even a hint of what Jesus was talking about.