The dialogue felt a little more realistic in this one, I really enjoyed it. Sounds weird, but it really started feeling that way when Richard interrupted Leo. It sounded more like how people actually talk, especially when they're getting heated.
I know you've said you feel like you have to pick genres or whatever, but I'm really enjoying the crossover between the two. These are way more readable for me than your first attempts at dialogue - those felt like something in a textbook.
I don't know how you could make it into horror though, if you wanted to make it a complete crossover. I mean, I do, but I think making Leo actually evil at the end would be pretty darn depressing.
I will say, you did succeed in making Leo a lot less charming lol
I've heard this wife quip before, LOL
haha, Shhhhh!
Damn, Richard. Chill out.
I liked Leo more here. May even want to make him meaner.
The dialogue felt a little more realistic in this one, I really enjoyed it. Sounds weird, but it really started feeling that way when Richard interrupted Leo. It sounded more like how people actually talk, especially when they're getting heated.
I know you've said you feel like you have to pick genres or whatever, but I'm really enjoying the crossover between the two. These are way more readable for me than your first attempts at dialogue - those felt like something in a textbook.
I don't know how you could make it into horror though, if you wanted to make it a complete crossover. I mean, I do, but I think making Leo actually evil at the end would be pretty darn depressing.
...I kinda wanna write that story though.
Ha! Thaks. Yeah, I have this idea of Leo being pissed of on the days he hasn't had his coffee and a gentleman when he has
Well, I started writing that story, and it grew...and grew...and now it's going to be a series. So, thanks for that, I guess.
It's not your character, just a bit inspired this conversation, but I did work in his name as a hat tip.
I in no way expect you to read it if you have no inclination to, but I'd welcome your feedback if you do.
https://emilyhess.substack.com/p/the-lance-part-1
Feels true to the coffee lovers I know, lol.
yes you made Leo a lot like Noam Chomsky 😂